matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I could make wine with my vomit
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
