dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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