dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
