Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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