i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
