Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
