I want to stick my p in your. b.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize