I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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