I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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