The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
