The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
