shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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