I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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