Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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