Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
