we're blogging at a bar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
