If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
