If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
