I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are two peas in an std pod
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
