Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
