I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize