I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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