I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
