Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
