I am in a vortex of obligation.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
