An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
