oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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