Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
