You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
