no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
