Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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