Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
