She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
