She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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