I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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