just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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