The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Randomize
