rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
