so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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