last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
