I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
