Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
