Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
