Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
