in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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