That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
