My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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