Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
