Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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