MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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