apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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