Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
