I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
