He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
