he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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