I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
