I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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