Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
