somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
