Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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