Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
