That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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