im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh god it's open bar.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize