I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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