i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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