Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
