Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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