im having a threesome with these popsicles
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
