Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
